Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Amidst the mountains...

It's been awhile... there has been a bit of drama in the last couple of weeks. Life is upended in some ways both little and a bit more. Life is not anything torterous or horrid- just altered. 

I am back on the road again. After having a realtatively low travel life for the past 8-9 months it's back to the frequent flier life. I'm at a conference now up in the mountains and while I'm in the middle of tons of people it's wierd not to have a tether to a home. It makes it a bit lonely. As tonight was a meeting night for most- I'm taking the night off from people. 
Life is overall good and this week I remembered why I made this life change. It's good to hear people think I belong in the fed circle in the resource management world. Listening to the rumblings I have heard a cautious optimism creeping into our vernacular that I haven't seen in years. I have heard a change in tone from management in just the last few months I've been back. 

So there is optimism in the air which is starting to seep in a bit. So to wear off the lonley I am going to go work out staring at the snowy mountains. Life is a bit of a mixed up new normal but it seems to be sorting itself out. Tomorrow I present and I am starting to find that I can only control so much of the process and I must grant the rest back to the universe...

To my friend... thinking of you during the river at the rapids point... take a breath during the eddies and know we've got your back when it hits the rough patches.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Seriously what did I do to deserve bad karma these days? Who in the universe did I offend or treat so poorly to have these moments all condensed into a couple of days- the never ending little moments that when isolated are not even minor bumps in the road but when strung together seem to inundate me at every turn.

It's the little things- the boss breaking into a conversation with a friend I haven't seen for over 2 years to tell me- there are major problems come to my office immediately... and it's just scheduling issues we've known about for weeks and brought to management's attention at least once. It's amazing how different the reaction is when another manager brings up the same issues. 

It's the system going down when I'm in the middle of developing a project... it's the essay question phrased just so that I can't reuse content that I've already written and will have to start from nearly scratch... It's the letter from the moving company that they really did loose my things and for the last time they are not looking anymore....

It's nothing big and nothing monumental but it's the little things that add up to wanting to curl up in a safe place to be told that everything is all right... so when things go topsy turvy and the safe places are gone - well what is the reaction?

Honestly I think the reaction is to run- to somewhere different to somewhere with sights you haven't seen to start working on that over stimulation of the brain in a way other than by the little trials and tribulations of the day.  It's the desire to go shopping for a new gear toy to take pictures of the new places and to focus so solely on experiencing everything around you that you replace the experiences within you for a short duration of time till things die down a bit.

I have a few more days to be an adult and do all those supposed to do things before I escape to the road for 2 weeks. I might get a camera to better capture the adventures of the summer- um retail therapy I'm sure. Who knows what the future holds? So far every time I think I get a sense of it- well I get turned on my head. So what is there to do but jump into the river- feet pointed downstream- cold water rushing me along- and hope for an eddy to rest but be prepared for the rocks none the less. 

So universe... send some good karma my way would you? I promise I'm being a good person or at least really trying these days...

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Unanticipated changes...

So this will be rambling tonight- it's been a long weekend and not in the happy go lucky way that has defined the Denver experience so far. Nothing life ending but simply altering...

So there are certain things that are not within the control of an individual- and one of those is relationships. Relationships involve more than one person so they by definition can't be controlled by one person. So as you may have guessed the new guy is no longer my guy. No horrid story here just a realization that the end destinations apparently are on different continents. 

So just lots of thinking this weekend and lots of walking though an event in Denver exploring historical hotels. Walking resets the brain a bit and the stained glass distracted me in all the gorgeous light. It was nice to have a sunny day again after a few days of gray and slush- I really needed the sun.

So I'm sure it will be the normal crazy week and then Sunday I leave for 2 weeks.... so I'm not sure if it is more distracting to be on the road or at home... who knows- I guess I'll find out, right? So I'm sure it will get better and I'm sure life will go back to a new normal... and till then life moves on and I keep rolling with it. 

Friday, April 17, 2009

It's raining snow...

So it's a snow afternoon- forget the conference calls, the meetings, and the schedules because it's snowing :-) So I visited friends at the next building over (they apparently hadn't been told they could go home yet) and had lunch with a friend. Really I'm supposed to be more productive right now but I'm just plugging into the world from a snowy respite in the coffee shop. 

I have learned to LOVE my snow boots as my feet are warm and I had a lovely walk to the coffee shop- even in the ankle deep slushy snow. Now I'm sure my jeans are very mad at me and will have to be washed now... but my feet are dry. The inches are starting to pile up outside and I sit here cozy in the center of a city. Spring keeps trying to stay and the 60 or 70 degree days are interspaced with these snows. The tulips and irises and coated in snow as they try and persevere through the intermittent weather. 

There have been moments in time where I mused to journals, significant others, friends, or family... now I type out loud to this site exposing my thoughts to random individuals that I may or may not know as I journey through this always unexpected life. For as I plan things change continuously.  So as spring keeps trying to peek through and I keep trying to see where this journey of life will take me... who knows what the end result will be but I'm curious to find out :-)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Persuing dreams...

I'm not sure how well you know your parents... but do you know your parent(s) as individuals or a parental unit? I discovered after my Dad passed away (about 4.5 years ago) that I knew my parents for so many years as a couple, as a unit, and not necesarily as the individuals they were at that time. I think it's one of those things that when you find a bucket list that one of your parents wrote it opens your eyes to them as those individuals in college, before they met, when they were young professionals... you know as people not entities in our lives.

So one thing my mom has talked about is going to Alaska... I am going to Alaska to teach for work and once I realized a frequent flier trip with the airlines is the same to go to DC as it is to go to Alaska I thought.... why not use some of those oodles and oodles of miles to go for fun?

Today I bought 2 tickets to Alaska. I've always wanted to go. Mom has wanted to go for years. So I'm taking my mom for her birthday. This is the year to stop wondering and simply start living... There are many things on my list of things to do but when two people have the same thing on thier list such as explore a massive state- well I encourage you to persue that dream. My younger brother might even join us if we are lucky. So he's to new adventures...

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

There reaches a moment...

There reaches a moment when you know you are at the spot just now in the universe that you are meant to be in... there reaches a time when you are comfortable in your own skin... and I have reached the moment when I can feel that my life is how it should be for a moment. 

As I've been walking down the street tonight in Washington DC from meeting up with a girlfriend of mine- on our way to dinner we stopped at an incident. We believe the response was a highrise suspected smoke but as we stood there watching the response- checking the apparatus- watching the response and discussing the likely call type based on the response and the difference between urban and wildland fire fighting. You know- normal chick talk. But the lights were calming in that hey it's situation normal- emergency responders are responding way.

After dinner as I was walking back to my hotel I felt at home... at home with walking through DC in a black suit with stockings and heels on. Seriously I never thought the day would come that I would walk down the street in DC in a black suit. But it fit and it's right for right now. And though I am definitely enjoying my time in DC I am looking forward to heading home to Denver. I am looking forward to the next adventure wherever it may be. 

I remember once upon a time being a nervous traveler- I mean always having to know where I was staying and what my schedule was and have a plan of action. Now I wander through life exploring as I head along and wanting to just live the moment. Yesterday I wanted to destress a little (just b/c I am where I am supposed to be doesn't mean that my job is any less stressful or easy) so I ended up walking 6 miles or so. I'd wanted to walk to the Jefferson Memorial the last couple of times I came to DC and just hadn't... so I just decided to and did. I don't think back in my late teens I saw the exploring in the same way I do now and I don't think I had the same level of confidence in myself. It is a blessing to be able to explore the city, see a friend for dinner, visit my sister and her family for the weekend, and teach during the week. 

So I'm rambling here but I needed to type tonight... I needed to try and quantify this peace that I found for a moment this evening as I realized- I may no know where this path is taking me next or how the bend is curving- I know I have a support structure behind me- I may not know what I am supposed to be doing in life- I know where I am is not where I will end up- I know I am supposed to be here at the moment though I do not know the lessons I am supposed to be learning from this moment in time. But I have faith that if I can quiet the noise and get in tune with the forces out there I will be able to clearly keep heading in this correct direction. 

Time to crash now for it's late... night.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

I have discovered facebook... and it is a black hole...

So you may have noticed a lack of posting lately... there are a couple of reasons: 1. My job is being challenging and who just wants to bitch about work 2. Life is turning more into a normal life and less (at the moment) of crazy new adventures... but in the past couple of weeks I must admit that a good deal of it has to do with the fact that I have been experiencing the facebook draw...

So it's been great because now instead of just seeing what my family is doing (seriously I think my first fifteen facebook friends were family) I am now reconnecting with friends from Jr. High, High School, college... everywhere. It's facinating to find that the guy I am dating worked for the same organization that one of my best friends from jr high now works for (and it's a relatively small organization). It's also fun to see pictures of friend's kids and be able to share my little adventures in Colorado with folks who I otherwise don't spend a lot of time talking to.

But right now is the slight calm before the storm- work has been crazy busy getting ready for our insane travel schedule. But I do have to say that with the help of Google calendar (it has to be color coded for me to get it) I have managed to figure out a tentative schedule that is sending me to Washington DC, Snowbird Resort in Utah, Alaska (Anchorage and Fairbanks), Idaho (Boise), Nevada (Vegas and Reno), Gunnison CO, and I think I unfortunately am going to miss Wyoming. But all this.... before the end of August! So the traveling adventures will start again :-) 

I am looking forward to the adventures but I also am trying to make sure there are a few personal adventures thrown in the mix. So far the guy and I are trying to think of someplace fun to explore in CO but the biggest challenge is finding time between our scheduled travels... in the meantime life is turning more towards a new normal...